It's a funny word, witness. It can mean to see, to be present at; but it can also mean to validate. I think that those of you who read what I have to say fulfil both of those meanings. You have helped me to process things more quickly, and perhaps even better, through your presence. The writing of the words is a large part of it. Ordering my thoughts enough to type them into sentences really helps me to process my thoughts, but it is not just that. A private journal wouldn't have the same function for me. It is the reading of the words by you that makes a difference. There is some sort of alchemy in nailing down my thoughts and then releasing them into the world. I hammer them onto a keyboard and then they are gone - become as much everyone else's as they are mine. Just another tiny part of the WorldWide Web. I imagine that allowing other people to read my thoughts frees me from them. In expressing them, they are released. They fly.
James Earl Jones once said "One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." I started this blog to say those things I couldn't utter. The secrets I kept from the world were documented here. But my life has changed a great deal. I'm no longer a secret kinkster - I'm out (aside from work), I'm open about BDSM with my friends, and I have plenty of outlet to discuss the things I used to keep secret. I would have assumed the blog had served its purpose, but I have realised how helpful this space is for processing things. And there are some things that only come to me when I write. Conversation is too easily diverted to get to the crux of an issue. And thinking without verbally expressing is even more fraught with distraction for me.
So thank you for reading. And thank you for commenting, which enriches the process even more for me. Thank you for witnessing my words. They might not always go where I mean them to; they might not always fly in formation, but it does me good that they fly at all.
 |
| Words have wings (but fly not where we would - George Eliot) |
That's a really lovely post, J.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about my writing. There is some strength and clarity in releasing words and thoughts into the world, and what comes back often gives it value beyond the original.
Catharsis, validation, challenge, humour... all those and more.
Ferns
Good to hear you have the outlet to discuss he things you used to keep secret. And I hope you keep sharing here.
ReplyDeleteFD
thank you for sharing yourself with us
ReplyDeleteAnither blogger friend said I am not going to write how I am feeling because so and so will comment, I told you so.
ReplyDeleteMy words to her were don't forget why you started writing this blog - for yourself.
I am glad you have found others to share with, be happy and thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us.
Smiles
butterfly
Thank you, J. You're right and I need to keep that in mind when I hesitate to post... Beautiful words, love the duality of witnessing. I've missed your words. I'm glad to be back in this space reading your blog again <3
ReplyDeleteXo m
J, it sounds like your blog has become your own personal Thinking Environment. That's awesome! Can't wait to hear your thoughts once you read Time To Think x x x
ReplyDelete