"Why did children seem to be so often spontaneous, joy-filled and concentrated while adults seemed controlled, anxiety-filled and diffused? It was the Goddam sense of having a self."
— Luke Rhinehart (The Dice Man)
Do you ever feel trapped under the weight of your own sense of self, by the endless heap of expectations you have piled on yourself? I do. And I know no one else is watching or contributing, I know that it is just me, carefully tending to my growing pile of Things That Are Me, the weight of which crush at my chest.
Yes, me - hippy, kinkster, career-woman, loner, lover, warrior, bitch, loser, fighter, winner, sucker, switch, submissive, dominant, happy, heart-broken, clever, foolish, passionate, lonely, awake, lazy, driven, humble, arrogant, confused, delighted, confounded, curious me.
Sometimes I wish I could just throw all of those things up in the air and shout 'catch!'
Maybe I will.
Just do it! It might lift the weight off your chest. Take care of yourself, sweets!
ReplyDelete~Rebel~
I can totally relate.
ReplyDeleteIt was just this type of 'piling on' that I do to myself that caused me to have a tough day. I did it all to myself. I wish I would stop.
-H
This completely summarizes so succinctly how I feel a large portion of the time. Weighed down by my own self. By my own goals, and things that I've put on my plate, no one else. Sometimes I need time to step away and just do... nothing.
ReplyDeleteI think this is something my Dom realizes that I need, and tries to provide for me when he can.
I can definitely relate to this as well. I feel like I want to get in my car and just keep driving. I want to run away from the life I've created - all the "roles" I've piled on myself and start over with less and do less!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to know I'm not alone.